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18

Nov

Ricky Gervais made his name from televising cringeworthy Dad-based behaviour.
I can only assume it was that insight alone that put the slightly dim lightbulb above the ad heads that made this monstrosity:  
Dum Draper: “History dictates that placing an embarrassing father figure on television will not only make our audience laugh but also lavish us with multi-award winning success.
Sadly this is not the case, MC Spanner’s awful dancing and sense of smug self-satisfaction is enough to make me reach for my remote, look… Even his family aren’t impressed! There is however a way to make this more than mildly maddening cheese feast even more annoying and by George, I think they’ve got it. As if the occasional ocular assault was not uncomfortable enough they have managed to really twist my tits by sandwiching the brilliant Modern Family with their infuriating slices of shit.

Ricky Gervais made his name from televising cringeworthy Dad-based behaviour.

I can only assume it was that insight alone that put the slightly dim lightbulb above the ad heads that made this monstrosity:  

Dum Draper: “History dictates that placing an embarrassing father figure on television will not only make our audience laugh but also lavish us with multi-award winning success.

Sadly this is not the case, MC Spanner’s awful dancing and sense of smug self-satisfaction is enough to make me reach for my remote, look… Even his family aren’t impressed! There is however a way to make this more than mildly maddening cheese feast even more annoying and by George, I think they’ve got it. As if the occasional ocular assault was not uncomfortable enough they have managed to really twist my tits by sandwiching the brilliant Modern Family with their infuriating slices of shit.

24

Sep

Here’s a face you wouldn’t hesitate to smash. This smarmy go-smegger doesn’t seem to get sarcasm. After standing to announce his departure this self obsessed prick uncomfortably waits for his ‘friends’ to react. Surprised that he hasn’t actually left, his so called mates proceed to serenade him with the most sarcastic array of ‘ahhh’s’ I think I have ever heard. They even go to ridiculous extent to add insult to injury.
How does our prick-tagonist respond, he completely ignores their satirical tones and rejoins the group. How can anyone be so deluded?
The ‘piss’ de resistance of this awful advertising is the compelling statistics:
"88% of 32 men agree"(See image above) 
Amazing… That’s just over 28 blokes. Only 28 Nivea employees believe the product actually works. 

Here’s a face you wouldn’t hesitate to smash. This smarmy go-smegger doesn’t seem to get sarcasm. After standing to announce his departure this self obsessed prick uncomfortably waits for his ‘friends’ to react. Surprised that he hasn’t actually left, his so called mates proceed to serenade him with the most sarcastic array of ‘ahhh’s’ I think I have ever heard. They even go to ridiculous extent to add insult to injury.

How does our prick-tagonist respond, he completely ignores their satirical tones and rejoins the group. How can anyone be so deluded?

The ‘piss’ de resistance of this awful advertising is the compelling statistics:

"88% of 32 men agree"
(See image above) 

Amazing… That’s just over 28 blokes. Only 28 Nivea employees believe the product actually works. 

Here’s a face you wouldn’t hesitate to smash. This smarmy go-smegger doesn’t seem to get sarcasm. After standing to announce his departure this self obsessed prick uncomfortably waits for his ‘friends’ to react. Surprised that he hasn’t actually left, his so called mates proceed to serenade him with the most sarcastic array of ‘ahhh’s’ I think I have ever heard. They even go to ridiculous extent to add insult to injury.
How does our prick-tagonist respond, he completely ignores their satirical tones and rejoins the group. How can anyone be so deluded?
The ‘piss’ de resistance of this awful advertising is the compelling statistics:
"88% of 32 men agree"
Amazing… That’s just over 28 blokes. Only 28 Nivea employees believe the product actually works. 

Here’s a face you wouldn’t hesitate to smash. This smarmy go-smegger doesn’t seem to get sarcasm. After standing to announce his departure this self obsessed prick uncomfortably waits for his ‘friends’ to react. Surprised that he hasn’t actually left, his so called mates proceed to serenade him with the most sarcastic array of ‘ahhh’s’ I think I have ever heard. They even go to ridiculous extent to add insult to injury.

How does our prick-tagonist respond, he completely ignores their satirical tones and rejoins the group. How can anyone be so deluded?

The ‘piss’ de resistance of this awful advertising is the compelling statistics:

"88% of 32 men agree"

Amazing… That’s just over 28 blokes. Only 28 Nivea employees believe the product actually works. 

22

Jun

Dear We Buy Any Car,
I was most disappointed with your original television advertising, the almost cheap and very catchy song has been sporadically blindsiding me ever since its release. So I suppose in the world of advertising, a doffed hat would not be inappropriate. However… This does not give you licence to hog the irritation highway and produce even more and ever worse advertising.
Your latest offering, ‘Quick Quick’, is one of the worst assaults on music I think I have ever experienced. I did have the Go Compare guy on my Badvertising Hitlist, but after experiencing your latest monstrosity I feel we should let him off, or even reward his efforts.
They are not lyrics! That is just an irritating repetition of individual points that the client wants to shout at the consumer.
Yours sincerely,Aleksandr Orlov

Dear We Buy Any Car,

I was most disappointed with your original television advertising, the almost cheap and very catchy song has been sporadically blindsiding me ever since its release. So I suppose in the world of advertising, a doffed hat would not be inappropriate. However… This does not give you licence to hog the irritation highway and produce even more and ever worse advertising.

Your latest offering, ‘Quick Quick’, is one of the worst assaults on music I think I have ever experienced. I did have the Go Compare guy on my Badvertising Hitlist, but after experiencing your latest monstrosity I feel we should let him off, or even reward his efforts.

They are not lyrics! That is just an irritating repetition of individual points that the client wants to shout at the consumer.

Yours sincerely,
Aleksandr Orlov

19

Jun

"Like I said, it has to work for three fussy boys."
Apologies for any broken monitors the above quote might have caused, but this has to be one of the most forced and painfully explained ads of recent years. It starts with a mum trying her hand at a new Phili-recipe… What? You didn’t realise it was for Philadelphia? You say you found the ad instantly forgettable? Oh yes of course, apart from the annoying mother feeder that has to explain her terrible joke-And we’re back.
Hold… the phone… I may have to remove this post from the blog as I have just noticed something AMAZING! The very first instance, understandably missed by many, holds pure gold dust. Well, fairy dust, or at least it sounds like it does. Watch the ad again (don’t worry, just the first two seconds. I don’t want to be responsible for any monitor masochism.) and notice this: Our ‘funny mummy’ can fart fairy dust. Seriously, listen to what happens when she sits on the toy dinosaur! Either that or it’s a Sprinklosaurus, but I think they’re extinct.
After unearthing that gayly-gaseous discovery, I don’t feel I can continue the adslaught. So I leave you with a few of my favourite comments from YouTube:


"THIS WAS THE SHITTEST MEAL I’VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT GUY WAS TRICKED INTO LIKING SWEETCORN BECAUSE I FUCKING HATED IT STILL. FUCK YOU PHILADELPHIA. FUCK YOU, YOU CHOCOLATE CHEESE BASTARDS!"downisthenewup67 
""I don’t have time to make fancy dishes"…she says as she proceeds to sit on her arse and drink red Wine - and watch the Jeremy Kyle show no doubt…"Mark Merryweather
"UGH THIS WAS SO BLOODY DISGUSTING THAT MY SCROTUM FELL OFF CAUSE I PUKED SO MUCH OMG…"FansOfLeavesUK 


P.S. If Philadelphia hasn’t already made your stomach content lurch forward in a desperate attempt to escape the awful acting, terrible concepts and poorly delivered gags, then here’s Jennifer Saunders tasting her first choc and cheese combo. Yeah, I know what you’re asking yourselves…  Saunders has never tasted Cheese Cake? But thinking back to her duo days, it may have been hard to get a spoon in edgeways.

"Like I said, it has to work for three fussy boys."

Apologies for any broken monitors the above quote might have caused, but this has to be one of the most forced and painfully explained ads of recent years. It starts with a mum trying her hand at a new Phili-recipe… What? You didn’t realise it was for Philadelphia? You say you found the ad instantly forgettable? Oh yes of course, apart from the annoying mother feeder that has to explain her terrible joke-And we’re back.

Hold… the phone… I may have to remove this post from the blog as I have just noticed something AMAZING! The very first instance, understandably missed by many, holds pure gold dust. Well, fairy dust, or at least it sounds like it does. Watch the ad again (don’t worry, just the first two seconds. I don’t want to be responsible for any monitor masochism.) and notice this: Our ‘funny mummy’ can fart fairy dust. Seriously, listen to what happens when she sits on the toy dinosaur! Either that or it’s a Sprinklosaurus, but I think they’re extinct.

After unearthing that gayly-gaseous discovery, I don’t feel I can continue the adslaught. So I leave you with a few of my favourite comments from YouTube:

"THIS WAS THE SHITTEST MEAL I’VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT GUY WAS TRICKED INTO LIKING SWEETCORN BECAUSE I FUCKING HATED IT STILL. FUCK YOU PHILADELPHIA. FUCK YOU, YOU CHOCOLATE CHEESE BASTARDS!"
downisthenewup67 


""I don’t have time to make fancy dishes"…she says as she proceeds to sit on her arse and drink red Wine - and watch the Jeremy Kyle show no doubt…"
Mark Merryweather


"UGH THIS WAS SO BLOODY DISGUSTING THAT MY SCROTUM FELL OFF CAUSE I PUKED SO MUCH OMG…"
FansOfLeavesUK 

P.S. If Philadelphia hasn’t already made your stomach content lurch forward in a desperate attempt to escape the awful acting, terrible concepts and poorly delivered gags, then here’s Jennifer Saunders tasting her first choc and cheese combo. Yeah, I know what you’re asking yourselves…  Saunders has never tasted Cheese Cake? But thinking back to her duo days, it may have been hard to get a spoon in edgeways.

18

Jun

Before we start I’d like you to take a moment and consider what I put myself through for you people. I’ve now watched this ad five toe curling times just to try and understand why the fuck it was ever created, and do you know what? I still have no crapping idea.
So lets pull it to pieces. The concept… Well what to say? I can only assume from the pathetic face of our ironic painkilling protagonist that we’re supposed to assume his job has been made moot by the millions that already know the product. So why waste money on an ad? Even worse, why waste money on this ad?
If this was based on an actual insight, then why did they have to employ almost deliberately awful actors? Although this does lead to a surprising positive that I managed to pull, like a rotted tooth from the hideously infected gum that is this thirty second travesty. That is that they’ve filled the ad with so many excruciating characters that it affords the unfortunate onlooker the pleasure of picking out (as if from a the worlds most admired firing range) who they hate the most, so thanks for that.
Now lets ask our readers:Which of these (and I use this phrase loosely) actors would you enjoy injuring the most:
1)  The microphoned moron, easiest to blame but surprisingly one of the least irritating characters in the piece.2)  Married carpool (sorry) - Ok, we get it, she wears the trousers and holds sex as a treat that she can take away in order to manipulate her obviously bitch whipped husband.3)  Jog on fat boy - Although it was never needed this realistic runner serves as proof the ad is not real. ‘You don’t say?’4)  Period Pals - Did they save the best ‘till last? When these two aren’t ruining their careers by talking out loud, they adopt unrealistic hushed tones to help the audience believe the product is so good you’ll want to chat to your friends about it… You won’t.

Before we start I’d like you to take a moment and consider what I put myself through for you people. I’ve now watched this ad five toe curling times just to try and understand why the fuck it was ever created, and do you know what? I still have no crapping idea.

So lets pull it to pieces. The concept… Well what to say? I can only assume from the pathetic face of our ironic painkilling protagonist that we’re supposed to assume his job has been made moot by the millions that already know the product. So why waste money on an ad? Even worse, why waste money on this ad?

If this was based on an actual insight, then why did they have to employ almost deliberately awful actors? Although this does lead to a surprising positive that I managed to pull, like a rotted tooth from the hideously infected gum that is this thirty second travesty. That is that they’ve filled the ad with so many excruciating characters that it affords the unfortunate onlooker the pleasure of picking out (as if from a the worlds most admired firing range) who they hate the most, so thanks for that.

Now lets ask our readers:
Which of these (and I use this phrase loosely) actors would you enjoy injuring the most:

1)  The microphoned moron, easiest to blame but surprisingly one of the least irritating characters in the piece.
2)  Married carpool (sorry) - Ok, we get it, she wears the trousers and holds sex as a treat that she can take away in order to manipulate her obviously bitch whipped husband.
3)  Jog on fat boy - Although it was never needed this realistic runner serves as proof the ad is not real. ‘You don’t say?’
4)  Period Pals - Did they save the best ‘till last? When these two aren’t ruining their careers by talking out loud, they adopt unrealistic hushed tones to help the audience believe the product is so good you’ll want to chat to your friends about it… You won’t.

15

May

Wow this is a bad ad.
Words can’t really describe how irritating any of these women are, so I’m going to stop before I do something I regret… Like accidentally hit replay.

Wow this is a bad ad.

Words can’t really describe how irritating any of these women are, so I’m going to stop before I do something I regret… Like accidentally hit replay.

11

May

The biscuit brand named Hit, cunningly decide to parody Britney Spears chart topping single ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ for its obvious namesake. And look what happened.
It turned out less ‘Hit me baby’ and more ‘Shoot me baby, shoot me in the head. Do it, do it now, PLEASE DO IT NOW!’
Sorry, I got a little lost there. The advertising genius behind this goes on to explain the intricacies behind the idea, and I quote:
"We made the track even more relevant and fun by changing the lyrics so that the whole song referenced our favourite continental biscuit sandwich"
You don’t say.

The biscuit brand named Hit, cunningly decide to parody Britney Spears chart topping single ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ for its obvious namesake. And look what happened.

It turned out less ‘Hit me baby’ and more ‘Shoot me baby, shoot me in the head. Do it, do it now, PLEASE DO IT NOW!’

Sorry, I got a little lost there. The advertising genius behind this goes on to explain the intricacies behind the idea, and I quote:

"We made the track even more relevant and fun by changing the lyrics so that the whole song referenced our favourite continental biscuit sandwich"

You don’t say.

Welcome to the party. We’ve invited a diverse selection of guests spanning the entire range of age and race, so you know you’ll be welcome! We’ve even thrown in some forced jokes whilst our natural band of best friends painfully explain the dull functionality of Windows 7, but don’t worry… They have been strictly instructed to constantly vary the pitch and tempo of their voice, so you know they’re all friendly.
That is one way to flow the party!
Wait… scroll back to 1:00, is that supposed to be subliminal or did one of the ‘friends’ forget their lines? Because I thought all this was just a spontaneous, ad-lib get together.
And Token, in answer to your final question: No… Nobody can believe anyone trusted the launch of anything to you phony bunch of terrible actors.

Welcome to the party. We’ve invited a diverse selection of guests spanning the entire range of age and race, so you know you’ll be welcome! We’ve even thrown in some forced jokes whilst our natural band of best friends painfully explain the dull functionality of Windows 7, but don’t worry… They have been strictly instructed to constantly vary the pitch and tempo of their voice, so you know they’re all friendly.

That is one way to flow the party!

Wait… scroll back to 1:00, is that supposed to be subliminal or did one of the ‘friends’ forget their lines? Because I thought all this was just a spontaneous, ad-lib get together.

And Token, in answer to your final question: No… Nobody can believe anyone trusted the launch of anything to you phony bunch of terrible actors.

10

May

Keeping with the radio theme, this horrible performance from Johnny Vaughan and Lisa Snowdon demonstrates why radio should not be seen.
If you, like Johnny, don’t think a biscuit constitutes a good breakfast, worry not, Lisa is here to confidently reassure us that it says ‘breakfast’ biscuits on the box. If that’s not proof I don’t know what is, it’s certainly shocking enough for Johnny to decant a usual serving of ketchup across his entire cooked english. I expect he was exasperated due to the clumsy manner in which it was served. He does strike me as quite the proper gentleman.
On the plus side, the brand name does possess the plosive aliteration needed to really spit the words out with venom. Try it with me:
Belvita! Breakfast! Biscuits!
(If your screen is not covered in spittle, replay the ad and try again.)Feels good doesn’t it. 

Keeping with the radio theme, this horrible performance from Johnny Vaughan and Lisa Snowdon demonstrates why radio should not be seen.

If you, like Johnny, don’t think a biscuit constitutes a good breakfast, worry not, Lisa is here to confidently reassure us that it says ‘breakfast’ biscuits on the box. If that’s not proof I don’t know what is, it’s certainly shocking enough for Johnny to decant a usual serving of ketchup across his entire cooked english. I expect he was exasperated due to the clumsy manner in which it was served. He does strike me as quite the proper gentleman.

On the plus side, the brand name does possess the plosive aliteration needed to really spit the words out with venom. Try it with me:

Belvita! Breakfast! Biscuits!

(If your screen is not covered in spittle, replay the ad and try again.)
Feels good doesn’t it.